16
Aug
06

Dear New Jersey,… Sincerely, Pennsylvania

Dear New Jersey,

Please accept our gift of Philadelphia. We are sure you will enjoy having it more than we have.

Sincerely,
Pennsylvania

This is my proposed solution to the fact that Pittsburgh gets screwed by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania every year when it’s time to distribute state funds. Because Philadelphia is the single largest city in Pennsylvania its politicians wind up dominating state politics, sending the vast majority of state money from Harrisburg eastward, leaving Pittsburgh out in the cold. This results in, among other things, Pittsburgh’s roads and bridges being seriously neglected (like this one, where the bridge’s incessantly crumbling concrete led to a protective roof being built over the road below to prevent said concrete from hitting motorists).

While this move would certainly be a financial boon to Pittsburgh, I believe it would benefit Philadelphia as well. From the brief time I have spent in Philadelphia and New Jersey, I believe that the city is a good fit for the Garden State. There is certainly a huge disconnect between the average lifestyles and attitudes of people living in Pittsburgh and those of their Philadelphia counterparts. However, since Philadelphia is practically in New Jersey anyway, the attitudes of people from the Garden State and the City of Brotherly Love line up very well. So, Philadelphia would get to join its hectic-pace-of-life brethren and the rest of Pennsylvania would be out from under its shadow.

In addition to the financial implications of this move, there would be psychological and emotional advantages as well. For example, western Pennsylvanians wouldn’t have to suffer under a governor who is a rabid Eagles fan. And, the absence of Philadelphia would give the rest of Pennsylvania the ability to actually elect former Steeler, Lynn Swann, who, let’s face it, will never get any votes in Philadelphia.

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2 Responses to “Dear New Jersey,… Sincerely, Pennsylvania”


  1. August 17, 2006 at 1:48 pm

    This sounds too much like that “let’s make two countries: America and Jesusland” rhetoric that we heard after the last election. Pennsylvania is a fine state as it is (and New Jersey isn’t).

    Let’s not be devisive, eh?

  2. 2 Colin
    August 17, 2006 at 3:03 pm

    Yeah, I’m not really serious, but it would be nice if western Pennsylvania actually had a say in state politics.


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